SO WHAT ARE MEN SO SCARED OF?
1. We're scared of sexuality - ours AND yours.
As sexually inexperienced men we're scared that our sexual appetite and variety of interests will never be matched my yours. We worry that if you know how wildly erotic our desires truly are you'll reject us and our perversions.
Ironically, when we meet a sexually mature woman we're afraid we won't measure up to YOUR appetite and your variety of interests shock us. When you open up a little with the man you hope is your "forever" he's freaked out that a classy lady like you goes 'there' in her fantasies.
Our fathers never wrestled with this. In their day it was simple- there were the dirty girls you dated and the classy ones you married. There was no possibility that a woman could be both.
Men today are encountering a whole new type of woman, I describe her as the "Evolved Woman" - she's classy AND fully embraces her sexuality.
2. Men are scared of our purpose - of not knowing what it is and of stepping into it when we figure it out.
Being the 'protector & provider' used to be enough. Today, the "Evolved Woman" won't settle for less than a man who knows who he is and who moves the world with his passion.
The depth of consciousness and confidence vs. bravado is new. The Evolved Woman craves a man who clearly knows who he is and who she trusts to lead. If he's too weak or unconscious there's no spark of chemistry.
Power, wealth and good looks fall far behind her need to relate to a man who lives a bold life while still treating everyone with respect and dignity.
Our fathers just needed to have a solid job, status and the bravado to boast their success to the world - it's much more complicated for our generation.
3. We're scared we'll never be important enough to matter.
Money, looks, and our opinion are areas we fear not measuring up. We see you long for nice things and worry we can't afford your dreams - we'd love to, it's just we worry we'll never be able to create enough value to give you the world, impress our peers, enjoy our own pursuits and do it without killing ourselves working.
We see you swoon at the previews to "Magic Mike", blush at the scenes in "50 Shades of Gray" and overhear your conversations about the latest heart breaker on "The Bachelor".
Our belief is that you expect US to be a combination of all three and we're afraid that the woman we desire will never accept the schlub we see ourselves as in comparison.
Most of all we feel we're losing respect and our voice. As women evolve you take on leadership, make more and more decisions and rely on us less and less. We take your lack if reliance on men as a lack of desire for us and this more than anything terrifies us - because WE NEED YOU LIKE WE NEED AIR!
-I've watched women trying to help men find their center.
-I've watched women believe in men for years until she can't take it anymore and is forced to take on the man's roles and responsibilities in addition to hers.
-I've seen some many women become so frustrated they insult men for being impotent in their purpose
Of course, none of those approaches change anything for the man.
There's only one solution, that's to do nothing - leave us to figure it out.
The solution for a man needs to come from deep within himself. He may be *inspired* by his woman, his children, his community or sense of purpose, but a woman can't coax, carry, push or threaten him to it.
You can give the occasional, "You'll figure it you. I believe in you." if you're in a relationship and your guy proves himself by his actions that he's doing whatever it takes to work it out, but otherwise it's up to us to get it together.
I know your nature is to be supportive, but cheerleading us or protecting us from the big fears we face are counter productive and we don't step up.
It's not hard to find the kind of man you're looking for because your standards are too high, it's just that women are ahead of men in your evolution of consciousness. You need to do nothing, just leave us alone. Don't even settle for coffee dates if you want us to step up.
We need to be cut off from the trickle of energy we get from our enabling relationships in order for us to step up as warriors and do whatever it takes to figure out our lives and move past the fear of embarrassment and failure we live in before becoming men of purpose.
We'll do it, but not before we don't have any other way of getting your attention and affection.
I'm not afraid, I know we'll get there. It's going to happen faster as more and more Evolved Women refuse to settle and simply do nothing. Wait for men's need to breathe in your feminine energy and gasp for that breath by stepping magnificently into purpose.
By Graham R White
Thank you to What Evolved Women Want for the original excerpt!