if i
wasnt exhausted before,

now i am.



Good world,
I feel you are granting all my wishes
for wellbeing and for growth
and though i cannot be sure, I'm so grateful.
I think I did ok tonight,
Did I?
I think i told my truth and I think I did it with love
and I think I made the right choice
and I think i didn't play the vulnerable card
I think I was fair and loving
and upheld my need and preserved both our
honour
i'm not sure
i should be hoping for anything else


and now i really -am- exhausted
the shock, the dread, the anticipation
the
love
the tears
the restraint i had to exercise
the choosing my words so carefully

the love.

the
love.

for all my praise of mail now i
am not so sure i am so ready for what i now know its going to bring me


ohhhh
ohh
oh



So much has happened in the last 24 hours
this
has just
covered the new-growth forest
with a dusting of
snow
-
so beautiful
persistant
a sight my eyes want to drink in and forever hold
yet
that is not condusive to my
permanenet residence

I'm going to go collapse into my safe hideaway now
and
pray for sunshine to
melt it away
in a bittersweet,
80% self assured,
20% heart-greiving, longing,
sunny day,
the waters
nourishing the
new forest
on its molten way,
allowing my new forest
to truly emerge